


it’ll leave you breathless (or with a nasty scar)

by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel



Series: A Rose By Any Other Name [3]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Ridiculousness, Rose is the Master
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 11:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2619932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel/pseuds/TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack came back to life to the sound of annoyed voices arguing.</p>
<p>“You didn’t have to shoot him!” the male voice said angrily.</p>
<p>“What, and risk getting shot myself? You might be willing to endanger your regenerations, but I’m not,” the female voice retorted. “Besides, it’s not like he doesn’t come back to life.”</p>
<p>“That’s not the <i>point!</i>” said the first voice, sounding heated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it’ll leave you breathless (or with a nasty scar)

**Author's Note:**

> *small sound of despair* I have been working on this for so long today that I no longer know if it's good or not. Hopefully you will all enjoy it. It kept trying to take a right turn into depressing stuff, but I think I kept it reasonably light-hearted?

**it’ll leave you breathless (or with a nasty scar)**

Jack was the only one left in the Torchwood hub when the alarms went off, signalling that someone unauthorised had entered the hub. He clambered up the ladder into the rest of the hub in a hurry, running for the main room.

He came to a sudden stop as he saw who the intruder was.

“ _Rosie?_ ” he asked incredulously, and a rush of relief and gladness filled him. He’d believed the worst when he’d seen Rose’s name on the list of the dead after the fiasco at Torchwood One, but here she was, alive and well.

The blonde woman at the computer looked up with a grin, winced, and looked back at the computer again.

“Nope,” she said cheerfully. “Used to be, though. Just for a while.” She continued tapping away at the keyboard.

“Mind explaining that?” Jack suggested, taking a wary step closer. “Or what you’re doing?”

“Time Lords,” said the person who wasn’t Rose. “They had a way of disguising themselves as other species. Their DNA signature and memories were stored in a repository device, while their DNA was rewritten and their memories replaced with fake ones. It worked because whoever did it really was another species, for a while. A disguise so perfect that even the wearer didn’t know it was a disguise.” She shrugged. “I opened my repository device a while back, and hey presto, instant Time Lord.”

“You’re a Time Lord,” said Jack flatly.

“I know, yeah?” the person who wasn’t Rose agreed. “All that time travelling with the Doctor as a human, and he never even noticed. Never sees what’s right under his nose, the idiot.” Her eye-roll was equal parts fondness and annoyance.

She was still typing busily away.

“What are you doing?” Jack asked, because while he trusted Rose, he didn’t think that was who he was talking to anymore.

Her grin was evil.

“Oh, I’m just hacking the planetary missile systems,” she said blithely. “You’re my hostage, by the way. Just so you know.”

“You’re _what?_ ” Jack said, starting forward.

The person who wasn’t Rose continued typing with one hand, and pulled out a blaster from her messenger bag with the other, which she aimed unerringly at Jack despite the fact that she wasn’t even looking at him.

“I’d hate to shoot you, Jack,” she said cheerfully. “But don’t think I won’t. I know it won’t stick.”

“You know?” Jack asked, staying where he was. “How?”

Not-Rose made a face.

 “You’re a great big space-time anomaly. Of course I know. _Hello_ , Time Lord, here. Just looking at you is like tripping out and the worst hangover I’ve ever had combined.” She grimaced.

Jack paused for a moment, unsure how to take that.

“It’s not exactly fun for me, either,” Jack finally said dryly. “Who are you?”

Not-Rose looked up with a bright grin. The wince was minimal this time. “Oh, didn’t I say? You can call me the _Master_.” Her smirk was wide.

“The _Master?_ ” Jack repeated disbelievingly. “You mean the Doctor’s nemesis from the 70s and 80s?”

“I prefer the word frenemy, but nemesis works too, I guess,” said the Master, still typing one-handed, and Jack no longer had any doubt that she was telling the truth about hacking the missile systems. “Although these days the word ‘girlfriend’ is more applicable.”

“You’re – the Doctor’s your _boyfriend?_ ” Jack asked. “Doesn’t he care that you’re _evil?_ ”

“Oh, he angsts over it terribly,” the Master agreed. “Sometimes I almost feel sorry for him.”

“Why are you hacking the missile systems?” Jack asked, wondering how he could stop her.

“What does anyone hack missile systems for? To use the missiles, of course,” said the Master. “I’m sorry, were you hoping I’d monologue all my evil plans? Nope, I’m keeping those to myself, thanks.”

The Master made a quiet noise of satisfaction, and stood back from the computer.

“Why did you come here?” Jack asked.

“Because of your super-duper computer, obviously,” the Master said, and then made a face like she’d heard what had just come out of her mouth, and didn’t like it. “Easier to hack things, from here.”

The Master rolled her shoulders and turned to Jack with a grin, still holding the blaster.

“So,” she said cheerfully, “while those missiles blast someone out of the sky, why don’t we sit and wait for the Doctor?” She made a gesture for Jack to sit on the floor, but instead Jack lunged.

He was too slow. The Master raised the blaster and –

* * *

Jack came back to life to the sound of annoyed voices arguing.

“You didn’t have to shoot him!” the male voice said angrily.

“What, and risk getting shot myself? You might be willing to endanger your regenerations, but I’m not,” the female voice retorted. “Besides, it’s not like he doesn’t come back to life.”

“That’s not the _point!_ ” said the first voice, sounding heated.

“Guys, stop arguing, he’s alive,” said another female voice, quite close to Jack. He opened his eyes to see a beautiful woman staring at him in concern.

“Well, hello,” said Jack, smiling appreciatively in spite of himself.

“Don’t you dare!” snapped the male voice, and a skinny bloke in a long coat appeared behind the beautiful woman, peering down at Jack. Jack recognised him from Torchwood One CCTV footage as the Doctor’s current incarnation.

“Doctor?” Jack asked, to make sure.

“No flirting,” the Doctor ordered irritably. “I _know_ you.”

 The Doctor wasn’t quite looking at Jack, and Jack suddenly remembered his conversation with the Master.

“Doctor, the Master – she hacked the missile systems–”

“Right, yes, about that,” said the Doctor. “There was a ship orbiting the Earth in preparation for attack. The Master,” and he turned his head to glare at her as she appeared by his side, “thought that _blowing it up_ would solve the problem.”

“And you know what? It did,” said the Master, unfazed.

“Do you have any idea how many people you killed?” the Doctor asked, intense and furious.

“No, and neither do you,” said the Master easily. “Besides, I saved your precious planet Earth. Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”

The Doctor went _gah_ and ran his hands through his hair, making it stand even more on end than it was doing already.

“Don’t mind them, they’re always like this,” said the beautiful woman crouched next to Jack. “I’m Martha, by the way. How are you feeling?”

“Not bad,” said Jack.

“Apparently you come back to life a lot, if what the Doctor and the Master were saying is true,” said Martha. “That can’t be fun.”

“Not really,” said Jack, sitting up. “Doctor – you know what happens to me. Can you fix it?”

The Doctor definitely didn’t meet Jack’s eyes this time.

“Jack, I’m so sorry,” he began, and Jack knew what his answer was. Jack looked at the Master, feeling desperate.

“What about you? Can you fix it?”

“Me?” The Master looked surprised and amused. “Oh, Jack. Would you make a deal with the devil?”

“If it meant I stopped coming back to life, over and over again?” Jack responded. “Yes.”

The amused look faded from the Master’s features.

“Honestly, Jack? If it were anyone but you I’d string them along, but since it’s you… I’m sorry, but I can’t help you, either.”

“Why am I like this?” Jack asked. “Can you tell me that much?”

“Rose Tyler,” said the Master pensively. “Looked into the heart of the TARDIS, and just for a little while, had all of time and space running through her head. A goddess incarnate, with all the powers of creation at her fingertips. But even then, she was still human, and burning alive the entire time, and she made a mistake. At least, that’s what I assume: I wouldn’t have thought she was cruel enough to do this to you on _purpose_.”

“She wouldn’t have,” said the Doctor quietly, and Jack couldn’t see it either: not generous, kind, big-hearted Rose.

“Why can’t you fix it?” Jack asked desperately. “You looked into the TARDIS once – couldn’t you do it again?”

“No!” said the Doctor sharply, while the Master gave a lazy smile.

“Me, the Master of all of space and time?” she mused, and her smile widened. “Oh, wouldn’t that be _fun_.”

“You are not looking into the TARDIS!” the Doctor snapped, looking extremely alarmed. “You hear me?”

The Master only smiled, and straightened the Doctor’s tie.

“Oh, but Doctor,” she said, smiling condescendingly, “what’s to stop me?”

“I’ll stop you,” the Doctor said, his voice dark, his eyes blazing.

“Please. You can barely stop me from conquering the planet, and that’s on a good day,” said the Master dismissively. “And you know me and the TARDIS – with our bond, and all.”

“Don’t,” said the Doctor, furious and pleading. “ _Please_.”

The Master smirked, and patted his cheek.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” she said easily, and all the breath went out of the Doctor at once.

“I wish you wouldn’t _do_ that,” he grumbled, looking both angry and relieved.

“You love it,” said the Master over her shoulder. “It’s your masochistic streak.”

The Doctor made a pushed-beyond-endurance noise, but the Master was grinning up at Jack.

“So,” she said. “It’s been a while. How do you feel about seeing all of time and space, Jack?”

Jack looked warily at her, then glanced at Martha.

“Is it always like this, with them?” he asked her.

“Usually,” said Martha. “You get used to it.”

Jack didn’t trust the Master one bit, and he wasn’t sure about the new Doctor, either, but he found himself grinning.

“Just let me call one of my team to cover for me,” he said.

* * *

Later – much later – Jack heard the Master say to the Doctor, “I’m not sorry.”

“I know,” said the Doctor quietly. He didn’t ask what the Master wasn’t sorry for.

“Mm, you do, don’t you?” said the Master. Jack tried to peer through the doorway without attracting their attention. The two of them were standing near the TARDIS console, and they didn’t seem to have noticed, yet, that Jack was there. “You really are masochistic, then, if you insist on keeping me around anyway.”

The Doctor let out an annoyed huff.

“Oh, I am not. You know exactly why I do it, and don’t pretend you don’t understand why. You love me, too.”

The Master made an irritated sound.

“I _know_ , and I have no idea why. You’re _so_ annoying.” But she didn’t push the Doctor away as he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

“We’ll work it out,” the Doctor insisted quietly, but with conviction. “Sooner or later, we’ll reach a compromise.”

The Master tipped her head back, grinning, and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Liar,” she said, without losing her grin.

“Yeah,” said the Doctor. “I know.”

But he didn’t move away, and Jack slipped away down the corridor without either of the Time Lords noticing. The Master or not, it looked like Rose and the Doctor were as in love as they’d always been, he thought. He wasn’t sure whether the thought was comforting, or depressing.  
 


End file.
